You know every one has a different feeling of whether or not its possible for a person to change. Some say no, some say yes, others say people dont change they just get better at hiding who they really are. And i guess everyone is allowed their own opinion. But as far as mine goes, i can tell you, that i was one of those people that believed that people dont change, they just get better at covering up who they really are over time. And i stuck to this "truth" for as long as i can remember until something just a little crazy happened.............I changed....................
I never imagined myself to be someone who would ever change their ways i was content with who I was n I didn't think I had to change myself for anyone or for anything for that matter but there comes a point in your life where things just aren't going right n you have to ask yourself is it the world or is it me??? and I had to ask myself that question one day.....recently actually...and when I had to ask myself that question I was amazed at the answer and it was like holy shit!! it was me!! lol I was the problem not the world I was to blame for my problems not anyone else I had to take a really long look at my life and the choices I had made..... the mistakes.... and it made me get an entirely new perspective on life .....when you come so close to death as many times as I have you start to ask yourself you know what do you wanna be remembered for in life and am i happy with what I'm leaving behind right now ....do I wanna be remembered as the bitchy cold hearted person who no 1 wanted to be around or do i wanna make a positive impact on this world and leave people with a good taste in their mouth...... I want to have people actually miss me I don't want it to be a relief that I'm gone I want people to say wow she was a great person and I'm really gonna miss her because I think that's what we all want we all want people to love us and then miss us wen we're gone......I think 1 of the biggest regrets that many people who are older now say that have is that they didn't get to live theie life out as much as they would have wanted to or they held onto grudges for too long or they spent too much time being angry and I think I was that person at 1 point just angry all of the time......it comes to a point where ur so depressed because you're the miserable f*** that no 1 wants to be around no 1 wants to have to deal with your attitude.....no 1 wants to deal with ur rude and crude remarks that come out of your mouth because when you are as miserable as I was at 1 point in my life,it is so much easier to hurt other people's feelings then take a chance of getting your own feelings hurt because you been hurt so many times that you don't wanna do it anymore and you get a satisfaction out of seeing other people hurt it's better to see them hurt then you hurt because you think well shit finally someone else besides me gets the shitty end of the stick .......but who wants to live like that??? because in the end you hurt anyway..... I mean I couldn't do it anymore I was tired of feeling left out I was the odd man out....I wanted to be that fun funny girl that I knew was somewhere inside of me... that was the person that people wanted to be around and I wanted to be that person full time I didnt want it to just be a part time thing and it came out you know whenever I was feeling okay I just didnt wanna live that way anymore I dont think anybody enjoys living like that.....Feeling like you have to walk on eggsshells around that certain person because they'll snap at any given time.....no it was def. not a way to live or have ne1 els ein my life living that way ......so what did i do??? I got my shit together basically....... I started thinking how do I want to be treated and I started treating people that way....you know my faith had a lot to do with it as well I strengthened my relationship with God and I began to improve myself because I realized that I could never truly make any other person happy unless I was happy with myself and that's what the problem was this whole time I was not happy with me myself... and so I said you know what... what doesnt make you happy?? okay... your attitude doesn't make you happy???... so fix it....... ur weight doesnt make you happy???..... so lose it... this person doesn't make you happy????....... get them out of your life....... this is what I had to start doing because you know this is my life I have to take charge of it now.....noone is gonna fix my problems for me....whos gonna care about me if I dont care about me??? and so i had to start caring about me and I completely change my lifestyle I stop being so angry I stop being so nasty towards people I started changing my eating habits and not pigging out all the time.... I started exercising and not sleeping all day or staying on my couch all day watching tv....I decided to make an effort to change my life and when I said I'm gonna change I didnt change because someone asked me to or because I was forced to..... it was because I wanted to change... no 1 else but ME and I think that that's what changes the person...is them realizing that they're not happy with themselves and they have to realize what it is that they have to do to change it...... but I know us as human beings we do not realize what it is that is so unhappy about us..half the time we dont even think its us...we think its everyone else so therefore we never make the effort to change ourselves which gives people the perception that no people do not change or they just get better at hiding their real self overtime and that's because the people that do that, which I was 1 of those people, they want to appease society but they, themselves dont really care about changing....that's what the difference is between a person that changes and a person that does not change. when a person changes its because they want to and they start taking the steps in order to change......and also the changes that they're making are not for anyone else but for them....Hell if they want to become a prostitute because thats what makes them happy lol I mean then let them....you know bottom line is I changed..... you can change..... everybody has the ability to change if they want to of course and I just hope that this blog will maybe give you the courage to change and to better yourself and at the end of the day the only thing that matters is what makes you happy not what makes your husband your wife your parents ur grand parents friends... no what will make YOU happy... if you want your hair pink then dye your hair pink if you wanna wear crazy clothing, if you want tattoos all over your body...Do it! Live your life! We are given 1 life and you have to Live it to the fullest and be happy with it because that's what makes a content person and a peaceful person and I think that is what the number 1 goal in this life is... its wat God teaches us in the bible to have ]in your life to reach the utmost peace and love everyone and everyone includes you...love yourself because when you love yourself you change for yourself and no one else!..... God bless
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