I guess everyone has a story about their mom. My story im sure almost every girl can relate to. My story begins on February 8, 1990 at 9:40pm. i was born to Nancy and John. Of course John was not present, he was too busy trying to get out of jail. I was my mothers second child. She had her 1st child, my older sister, Sarah, almost 3 years before that. I was born into this world with severe asthma and high blood pressure(i guess coming into this world i knew how stressful my life would be already lol) My mom was able to bring me home right away, only to have to be back almost every week. My asthma was that kind of deadly asthma, the kind that would kill you. I grew up being babied because i was "the sick one". That didnt last long of course lol.....but as a child i adored my mom she was everything to me and i couldnt bare to be away from her for long.....that changed......as i got older and i got exposed to the real world, much to early in life might i add, i started to detach myself from her.......The biggest blow to our relationship was when she left my step father at the time when i was 7, he had fallen off his path and got hooked into the world of drugs, my mom was pregnant with my lil bro and she didnt want to expose her children to that. She had gone through enough shit with my drug dealing, drug addict, in and out of jail, father. When we left him it was a whirlwind. I became her punching bag, while getting molested at the same time, but no one knew. It was a weird relationship my mother and i had..it still is...as a child i couldnt be away from her for a second, i adored her, i just wanted her love, i yearned for her love. Even after she would have one of her "im angry moments" and take me into the bathroom and box me up, i would still love her..i didnt understand why she was so angry, was i really that bad of a child? did i piss her off that much? you cant imagine as a child thinking these things. they really could make you feel unwanted, horrible, worthless, and thats exactly what i felt. i mean i was eleven years old when i tried my 1st suicide attempt. my mother made me throw up and told me never to do that again. i never saw a doctor and apparently it never occurred to her that i needed help. but thats a whole other blog in itself. as a teenager i hated my mother, i wanted to pound her face in every day, she was nothing to me, if she had died i would have been relived. yes that was the sad truth of the matter. yet at the same time i wanted her to love me, like me, want to spend time with me, talk to me! ask me if i was ok for once, hear one of my cries of help, and she never did. i would watch these lifetime movies where this mom and daughter had this awesome relationship, and i would hope and wish for that so bad. at the time i didnt know nor understand that my mother was going through things herself and well if she couldnt help herself how could she help me???....you see what you have to understand is my mother wasnt a terrible mother, she fed us kept us clothed, we always had a roof over our head and she would defend her kids till the death. nobody messed with her kids. she loves me i know she does, i just think she dosent really like me, because i remind her so much of herself, and she dosent like that person so therefore she dosent like me. you know it took me so long to figure out that her and i are just alike....severe anger issues....love gossip...love men....think they are always right...begin yelling at the drop of a dime.....cry when emotional....run away from situations...never say sorry...quite violent....always worried about other people and not ourselves....doing wayyy too much for other people that dont do enough for us......hold grudges for a long time....curse a lot...stand up to anybody big or small......the list goes on....but you see i can admit that i am just like her...i hate it but its true...and she wont....well people something i learned a long time ago...people never change they just get better at hiding who they really are....too much bullshit has gone down between the both of us and theres just no turning back unfortunately, it hurts like hell i mean what girl dosent want a great relationship with their mom?? .......My mother was an excellent provider my siblings and i never went without, but emotionally she failed me...times i needed her the most she wasnt there and i know that she knows that.......my expectations to have a good relationship with my mother have been lost a long time ago, we will never see eye to eye and she will never admit when she is wrong, so i have to walk away and try and live a better life for myself. i have to make sure that my relationship with my children never ends up like my relationship with my mother. But no matter what she is my mother. Shes the person i cry for when im sick, shes the person i long for when im hurting and shes the only person that knows hwo to take care of me. So no matter the fights, the periods of not talking to eachother, or the hurtfl things said, shes mommy, and her sacrifices and love that shes displayed for me will be something im forever grateful for. #mommysgirlforlife
