As i child i had seen my grandmother be hit my grandfather twice, i loved my grandfather to death and i didnt understand why he did what he did, but i was 4 so i wouldn't understand. As i got older and understood what alcohol was and what it made people do than i started to understand. As i was growing up i always said id be damned if any man was going to hit me, or ever put his hands on me, hell i had watched enough lifetime movies to know the signs and i was that chick screaming at the TV "you stupid i would have been left" yes that was me and calling every chick that went through that an idiot....until Jonathan....you see i couldnt have met him at a more vulnerable time in my life. I was alone i was starting college, i was still heartbroken a yr later after my ex broke up with me....just a mixture of things....so here i am 18 yrs old and i meet what i think is this put all together man Ive always wanted. He was 32yrs old and he had a job, a car, and an apt. He was 6'5 250lb, dark hair, light eyes white with tats all over. I fell hard. the 1st day we met we were in love yep 1st day so if you dont believe in love at first sight believe it! He accepted me for all my flaws and more everything i offered he wanted it good and bad. i mean he had some baggage himself. he had 2 kids and the drama of an ex wife. but none the less i loved him i moved in with him within 2 1/2 months of dating and i was playing house for a while. I took care of his kids every weekend and i loved them as if they were my own and Lord knows it wasnt easy when their mom kept poisoning their mind. We had been together for 6 months when the rest of our relationship was about to shape its self. I had seen the jealous side of him already and it wasnt cute, but apart of me liked it...it turned me on to think he must love me sooo much to get that jealous over me...So im on the phone with a friend of mine asking hims some questions about going to the Aids walk New York, which i had helped organize every year. The conversation lasted all about 5 min. and the girls were over but they were in their room with the door closed watching a movie and he was in our bedroom, he came storming out of our bedroom into the living room and demanded to know who i was speaking to i told him and he wanted my phone he grabbed it out of my hand and the next thing i know we're in the kitchen and hes got me choked up on the fridge and then he throws me down to the ground, breaking my chain and at that very moment his kids come out of their room and coming running to ask me if im ok, i wasnt, but for their sake i said i was fine.....the next incident occurred in the car on a simple trip to walmart and he was upset at the walmart i chose and punched me in the car and pinched my skin so hard i started to bleed..then we went inside walmart and he didnt like a skirt i picked out so he screams at me in the middle of walmart and literally silenced the walmart shoppers...so after that it was ALOT of verbal abuse and then one night that i thought was turning out to be a pretty normal night...we were laying in bed watching a movie and my phone kept buzzing, it was an old male friend hitting me up on aim, And he flipped he threw a glass and broke it and then when i try to leave the room he grabbed me and slammed me into the corner part of the desk, and we all know how it feels if ur back hits something pointy.....i was screaming in pain....and then he threw me on the bed and started choking me and asking me if i was cheating on him...i kicked him off and try to run for the phone he smacked me and took my phone and tossed it in the toilet, while he was doing that i ran outside in the middle of the street barefooted and screamed for help...nobody helped me...he dragged me all the way back inside and slammed me around a lil more, until finally foricng me to have sex and than he thought he could go to sleep without me going anywhere....and again here is where God comes in because i got my phone out of the toilet and i was blowing on that thing like no tomorrow and it somehow turned on the screen was blank but i knew my mom's number and i dialed it and when she picked up all i could let out were cries and i finally calmed down and told her what happen and her, my stepdad, and sister came in blazing and dad beat the living daylights out of him i mean broken ribs broken eye socket the whole nine yards...so i left with my family and yes people like an idiot i returned to him within days..satisfied that he got what he got yet feeling the need to care for him...it took a while but i got my family and him to finally speak and being the Christian family that we are everyone decided to forgive him but they made sure to not forget....so about 4 months go by with him behaving himself so to speak and then the verbal abuse starts and then shoving here and there and a lil choking until the big boom...the moment i knew it was my life or him taking it....So his crazy ex was really starting to get in between our relationship as if the abuse wasnt enough....and at this point we are a yr and half together and engaged...so we were arguing about his ex wife and i said i dont think we should be together anymore and got up to leave and walk into our bedroom and again the girls are over and he comes storming into the next room and hits me in my head and knocks me on the bed...he has his knee in my back and is trying to take the ring off of my finger..and im like no stop it the girls are upstairs and hes shoving my face down so hard my mouth is bleeding i get him off of him he punches me in my stomach and im down and hes choking me and im going light headed...i somehow manage to get him off of me and i pushed him onto the flr and i ran down the steps of my house so fast that until this day i tell you an angel carried me down those steps and i screamed for my neighbor and he came running just as Jonathan was grabbing me by my hair and dragging me back into the apartment...he pushed him off of me and pulled me inside his house and then called the cops and the neighbors next door had called the cops as well...so we had 2 cop cars and 1 state trooper car show up(we lived upstate)...i was all bloody and had hand prints all over me....he was taken upstairs to be questioned and i was kept downstairs.....it was a miracle his kids had slept through everything i was thankful because i wouldnt have wanted them to see any of it and the cops wanted me to press charges and i soooo wanted to but you see i had to think about those 2 lil girls and he was on probation already(yea i know how to pickem) and so i didnt...yes people i didnt...we slept in diff. rooms and within the next week i left in the middle of the night with what i could carry and on a train....people say well thank God you made it out alive, but did i? i was scarred for life ......i thought he was going to kill me...and i use to justify it with...he loves me thats why he does it cuz he loves me sooo much and he would even say that....and i thought i'll never find anyone who loves me as much he does....but if that was love did i really want it??? Ladies lets not be so quick to judge another woman try and put urself in her shoes...like me.............Please dont be silent like so many people were about me when the heard what was happening to me and did nothingwww.Women-In-Need.org or call
1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.
http://www.thehotline.org/
or contact your local authority.
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