Toxic.......

Everyone has that moment in their life where they step back and reevaluate their life...I had that moment tonight.....and as to what happen 2nite well I'll get to that later....but for now I'll tell u about what led to that moment.....You know scientist have described Love as some sort of euphoria...its said our bodies react the same way to eating chocolates....you ever see a chocolate that looks irresistible and u just have to have it.....or you crave a certain chocolate all day long and when u finally have it its like heaven....I felt like that when I met "him"....he was the chocolate I had been wanting my whole life....his mere existence was shocking to me...I thought are their really men out there like him? Is he really interested in me? He didn't have a lot going for him....he had no education no job he had horrible habbits and he wasn't the cream of the crop....yet there was something about him that pulled me in... something unlike I'd ever experienced...he was kind and sweet he accepted me for EVERYTHING that I was and am...he didn't have a problem with anything and to him I was the most beautiful person in the whole wide world...I was #1 no one and nothing came b4 me and that was a good feeling hell it was a great feeling...every girl wants that....I thought to myself this is the man I'm going to marry this is who is going to treat me like a princess for the rest of my life....................
boy was I wrong........as the months went on and we spent more and more time together I started to see perhaps who he always was...he just hid it and told me what I wanted to hear.....his temper was out of control...he was way too "hood" for me.....he started speaking to me disrespectfully and I was no angel of course....with my crazy temper combined with his it was WWIII where ever we went and it was a constant battle everyday...we broke up every day and made up everyday...we fought hard with words....the things that came out of our mouths were disgusting and unforgiving....but somehow we always made it back to eachother...it was like poison that fueled our bodies and we couldn't live without it......I think we were just comfortable with eachother and didn't want to start over I mean think about who would want a loud bitchy girlfriend who demands the pants in the relationship and is a princess and who would want a broke uneducated dude with a temper that would have the cops at ur door every night???? Um no one!......and deep deep deep deep down inside we knew that and so we stayed....but this particular night something else happened something was lost....whatever it was holding us together was no longer there....I didn't secretly want him  to stay and he didn't want to stay up all night fighting for our love....he wanted out and so did I...the problem was he had nowhere to go and as much as I didn't care for him anymore I didn't want him sleeping outside....so we're stuck under the same roof for a whole other day and we can't stand eachother......The worst things we've ever said to eachother have been said secrete feelings we've always had aired out....and if there's one thing in life I've learned is that once the words leave ur mouth there's no taking them back u will never get back what u said and that u have to live with the for rest of ur life........someone once said "nor the gun, knife, or acid can compare in damage like that of man's speech".....and its totally true......we drank too much and we were 2 people that just should not have been drinking because the tongue lashing was even worse with liquor thrown in the mix.....we were unhealthy for eachother.....we had reached the end of our ropes....nothing was going to get better it was only getting worse...maybe we were too much alike maybe the both of us were just too jaded to begin with...whatever it was it was clear that "Him" and I together were nothing but Toxic and this time it was really.... really... over.........They say anthing u ever want or love is usually never good for u.....like too much chocolate..............